That's not what I want to hear right now

No Longer Anonymous: Why I Decided to Come Out as a Gay Priest

Wed, 22 May 2013 20:24:00 -0400

No Longer Anonymous: Why I Decided to Come Out as a Gay Priest:

padrepiosson:

Bravely facing the applause of a world in love with labels, and just in time for the release of a second edition of his new book

This looked like it was relevant to my interests and that I would like it, but then

This reduction is the primary reason Meier makes the tired, required leap from what the Church says — that homosexuality is disordered — to what he claims the Church says — “LGBT youth are hearing that they are disordered.” Our culture defines individuals by their genital urges, and thus any rejection of a sexual behavior is immediately heard as a rejection of the individual. If who you are is a homosexual, then there is no distinction between being told “homosexuality is disordered” and “you are disordered.” While blurring this distinction and allowing ourselves to exist as walking erections certainly allows for easy, sure-fire, and oh-so-safe criticism of the Catholic Church, how small it renders the human person! What a piece of work becomes man, how lacking in depth, how easily negated, how boring and how bored!

and

Our bodies matter. We are not souls trapped in biological cages, souls that might find — to their disappointment – that they “got the wrong body” and thus must explore the label “transgender.” No, we are our bodies. Any integration of the sexuality into the whole person that ignores the body or settles for being opposed to the body is no integration at all.

So no.

The whole article is pretty much about deriding labels as divisive and completely unessecary. It talks a whole lot about ’the personal integration of body and soul’- and guess what, that’s what sexual and romantic orientation is all about.

Also I suppose I should include some sort of trigger for the repeated assertion that your sexual orientation is not who you are, as in, it’s not important at all to how you live your life and doesn’t actually matter.

I feel like that would trigger some people.

You are right. This could trigger some people. I got to the section with the image captioned ‘Burn your charts’ and nearly started crying. I had to exit the tab. I can’t imagine what it would do to someone who has more bad experiences than I do.

I’m so fucking tired of people saying labels are bad, don’t label yourself, blah blah blah.

Especially when they get to use whatever fucking label they want.

Christian.

Catholic.

Male.

Female.

And they try to tell us to separate ourselves from our labels (“Our culture defines individuals by their genital urges, and thus any rejection of a sexual behavior is immediately heard as a rejection of the individual. If who you are is a homosexual, then there is no distinction between being told “homosexuality is disordered” and “you are disordered.”), so that they can call us disordered without ‘calling us disordered’ and won’t allow themselves to be separated from theirs.

It’s so angering and unfair and frustrating and I just can’t. I’m done. So so fucking done.

Also the article called fat people hideous. So. fuck them.

13 Paternoster Row: So I saw a post recently saying we shouldn’t have brotps and talk...

Wed, 22 May 2013 20:16:03 -0400

13 Paternoster Row: So I saw a post recently saying we shouldn’t have brotps and talk...:

dont-kill-birds:

So I saw a post recently saying we shouldn’t have brotps and talk about bromances because it’s effectively saying “no homo” and trying to erase queer elements of the ship. Oh, and at it ignores female relationships.

Here are the reasons I will continue to have brotps:
1. “Bros” has become a term for ALL close platonic relationships. Doctor/Donna can be somebody’s brotp. River/Amy can be somebody’s brotp. Maybe it’s not a perfect term but women aren’t excluded.
2. There is nothing wrong with not seeing a relationship between two men as close and platonic, not romantic. It doesn’t make you a homophobe. Celebrating their friendship is not queer erasure.
3. To make out that only romantic (usually sexual) relationships are worth shipping is hurtful - you’re devaluing platonic relationships as something “less” and in doing so devalue the relationships of asexual/aromantic people.

jesus. Every one and their dog is making me want to cry today. fucking period.

Wed, 22 May 2013 20:03:00 -0400

jesus. Every one and their dog is making me want to cry today. fucking period.

do pools just naturally attract furniature or what.

Wed, 22 May 2013 19:59:46 -0400

do pools just naturally attract furniature or what.

Photo

Wed, 22 May 2013 17:41:42 -0400

"How do Fortune 500 companies pay zero in taxes while college loans go up to 6 percent?…This game is..."

Wed, 22 May 2013 16:57:37 -0400

““How do Fortune 500 companies pay zero in taxes while college loans go up to 6 percent?…This game is rigged.””

- Elizabeth Warren, speaking at a town hall in Massachusetts (via newshook)

"Women are afraid of meeting a serial killer. Men are afraid of meeting someone fat."

Wed, 22 May 2013 15:59:44 -0400

“Women are afraid of meeting a serial killer. Men are afraid of meeting someone fat.”

-
When Strangers Click, a 2011 documentary about online dating.

It reminds me of that famous Margaret Atwood quote: “Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.” It also reminds me of something written by one of the mods of Sex Worker Problems: “Misandry irritates. Misogyny kills.”

I mean, it’s just true.

(via tealeafprincess)

“Misandry irritates. Misogyny kills.”

That’s it. That’s it right there.

(via oddpicturesoddpeople)

acesparklegirl: witfulthinking: It’s Time to Run Juliet...

Wed, 22 May 2013 08:40:42 -0400

acesparklegirl:

witfulthinking:

It’s Time to Run Juliet - Imagine Dragons + We The Kings

HNNNNNNNGD GOOD GOD

this is the best thing that will ever happen to a we the kings song lol

strugglingtobeheard: anothertimesforgottenspace: worth...

Wed, 22 May 2013 08:30:10 -0400

strugglingtobeheard:

anothertimesforgottenspace:

worth scrolling all the way up to reblog

Lmao omg

republicanidiots: damnsoprochoice: kor71: If you think...

Wed, 22 May 2013 08:26:13 -0400

republicanidiots:

damnsoprochoice:

kor71:

If you think abortions ok, remember what Horton says.

It’s also good to remember that a person is a person when he’s big, too. just saying.

Hey didn’t Dr. Seuss threaten to sue anti-choicers trying to use that slogan to support their political agenda? And doesn’t his estate continue to do so?

jake-benge: rumblefishx: I live by the beach and this little...

Wed, 22 May 2013 05:43:29 -0400

jake-benge:

rumblefishx:

I live by the beach and this little guy just popped by for a visit

EXCUSE ME

Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about our lord, Poseidon?

the-queerdo-brigade: Rebloggable by request. Links found in the...

Wed, 22 May 2013 02:19:19 -0400

the-queerdo-brigade:

Rebloggable by request.

Links found in the original post:

“Here is a good post by a bisexual person on pansexual people misdefining bisexuality.”

“Here is a good post by a pansexual on problematic definitions of pansexuality.”

“This and this are prime examples [of pansexual people claiming themselves as the breakers of the gender binary].”

“See my previous posts on nonbinary people in nonmonosexual communities here, here, and here.”

psilentasincjelli: If I ever tell you I’m going to sleep and then you see me posting or liking...

Tue, 21 May 2013 23:16:25 -0400

psilentasincjelli:

If I ever tell you I’m going to sleep and then you see me posting or liking things online for about an hour immediately after that, I promise I wasn’t lying to you, I’m just bad at going to sleep and it is usually a long process that begins with disengaging from any sort of immediate contact with people (chats, for example) and ends when everything on my screen is blurry and I’m hallucinating plot points I haven’t written yet

palladiumcore liked your post: My brother looks like white hippie Jesus you don’t undertand...

Tue, 21 May 2013 23:04:45 -0400

palladiumcore liked your post: My brother looks like white hippie Jesus

you don’t undertand he has a flowing lions mane and a little beard like white hippie jesus

The abusive theology of 'deserved tragedy'

Tue, 21 May 2013 22:58:00 -0400

The abusive theology of 'deserved tragedy':

[Trigger Warning: sexual abuse, Sovereign Grace,] It took him less than 24 hours. When news broke about the tornadoes in Oklahoma, I, like so many others, felt a tightness in my chest. Tears gathered in my eyes. I looked at the pictures and breathed the first frightened, horrified prayer to reach my lips. “No. Please no.” Then, before I could stop it, an awful thought popped into my mind: â”Oh no. How long will it take John Piper to get on the radio, TV, his blog, or Twitter to explain to the world that this was God’s judgment on sin and tell the parents who lost children in this tornado that they got exactly what they deserved?” It took him less than 24 hours to comment. So far, it’s just been a highly insensitive tweet….

This is a blogger I’ve been reading a little bit from lately, and she has some really interesting articles. This one hit the nail on the head.

It’s something that’s been circling in my mind for awhile, but wasn’t able to put to words.

But some theology is abusive. Some people have an abusive relationship with their deity.

I had an emotionally abusive relationship with God (or rather other christians made it abusive, painted him as an abusive God).

And right now I’m in the stage where I am healing from it, and can not engage in church related activities right now because I find them upsetting. And no one should try to shame me for knowing I can not handle that right now. No one should try to shame me for not wanting to go to the church I grew up in.

My brother looks like white hippie Jesus

Tue, 21 May 2013 22:18:21 -0400

My brother looks like white hippie Jesus

I miss my partner

Tue, 21 May 2013 20:12:32 -0400

I miss my partner

-everdeen: Too many small boxes and Maru [x] see cats love...

Tue, 21 May 2013 18:23:15 -0400

-everdeen:

Too many small boxes and Maru [x]

see cats love putting themselves in boxes and nobody gets mad.

So why do people get made at me when I wanna do it.

sophiaphilemon: Self-Diagnosis and Its Discontents goldenheartedrose: brute-reason: There’s a...

Tue, 21 May 2013 18:08:06 -0400

sophiaphilemon:

Self-Diagnosis and Its Discontents

goldenheartedrose:

brute-reason:

There’s a certain scorn reserved for people who diagnose themselves with mental illnesses–people who, based on their own research or prior knowledge, decide that there’s a decent chance they have a diagnosable disorder, even if they haven’t (yet) seen a professional about it.

I understand why psychologists and psychiatrists might find them troublesome. Nobody likes the idea of someone getting worked up over the possibility that they have a mental illness when they really don’t. Professional mental healthcare workers feel that they know more about mental illness than the general population (and, with some exceptions, they do) and that it’s their “job” to serve as gatekeepers of mental healthcare. This includes deciding who is mentally ill and who is not.

Self-diagnosis also gets a bad rap from people who have been professionally diagnosed with a mental illness. They feel that people who self-diagnose are doing it for attention or because they think that diagnosis is trendy.

This actually bothers me much more than the arguments against self-diagnosis coming from professionals. Why?

Because the claim that people who self-diagnose are just “doing it for attention” or because they think it’s “cool” is the exact same claim frequently made about people who get diagnosed professionally.

To be clear, I’m not saying that people never label themselves as mentally ill for attention. Maybe some do. Maybe a significant proportion of people who self-diagnose don’t really have a mental illness at all. I’d have to see research to know, and from my searches so far I haven’t really found much research on the phenomenon of self-diagnosis. (But I’m taking note of this for my master’s thesis someday.)

However, there’s a difference between someone who’s feeling sad for a few days and refer to themselves as “depressed,” and someone who’s been struggling for weeks, months, or years, and who has read books and articles on the subject and studied the DSM definition of the illness. The former may not even count as “self-diagnosis,” but rather as using a clinical term colloquially–just like everyone who says “oh god this is so OCD of me” or “she’s totally schizo.” (This, by the way, is wrong; please don’t do it.)

(It’s also likely the case that some people self-diagnose because they have hypochondria. However, the problem is not that they are self-diagnosing. The problem is that they have untreated hypochondria. Maybe diagnosing themselves with something else will get them into treatment, where a perceptive psychologist will diagnose them with hypochondria and treat them for it.)

Even if some people who self-diagnose are wrong, I still think that we should refrain from judging people who self-diagnose and take their claims seriously. Here’s why.

1. It gets people into treatment.

I wish we had a system of mental healthcare–and a system of social norms–in which everyone got mental health checkups just as they get physical health checkups. For that, two main things would have to change–mental healthcare would have to become affordable and accessible for everyone, and the stigma of seeing mental health professionals (whether or not one has a mental illness) would have to disappear. (There are other necessary conditions for that, too–the distrust that many marginalized people understandably have for mental healthcare would have to be alleviated, and so on.)

For now, going to see a therapist or psychiatrist is difficult. It requires financial resources, lots of time and determination, and a certain amount of risk–what if your employer finds out? What if your friends and family find out (unless they know and support you)? What will people think?

Because the barriers to seeing a professional are often high, many people need a strong push to go see one. Having a strong suspicion that you have a diagnosable mental illness can provide that push for many people, because nobody wants to go through the hassle of finding a therapist that their insurance covers (or finding a sliding-scale one if they don’t have insurance), coming up with the money to pay the deductible, taking time off work to go to the appointment, dealing with the fear of talking to a total stranger about their feelings, and actually going through with the appointment, only to be told that there’s “nothing wrong” with them.

As much as I wish things were different, the reality right now is that relatively few people go to therapists or psychiatrists unless they believe that they have a mental illness. If self-diagnosing first gets them into treatment, then I don’t want to stigmatize self-diagnosis.

2. It helps them find resources whether or not they see a professional.

In the previous point, I explained that for many people, self-diagnosing can be a necessary first step to getting treatment from a professional. In addition, once people have diagnosed themselves, they are able to seek out their own resources–books, support groups, online forums, etc.–to help them manage their symptoms. This can be extremely helpful whether or not they’re planning on getting treatment professionally.

While psychiatric labels like “depression,” “generalized anxiety,” and “ADHD” have their drawbacks, they are often necessary for finding resources that help people understand what they’re going through and help themselves feel better. If I’m at a library looking for books that might help me, asking the librarian for “books about depression” or “books about ADHD” will be much more useful than asking them for “books about feeling like shit all the time and not wanting to do anything with friends” or “books about getting distracted whenever you start work and not really having the motivation to finish any of it and it has nothing to do with laziness by the way.” Same goes for a Google search.

It’s certainly fair to be worried that people looking on their own will find resources that are unhelpful or even dangerous. But I think this is less of a problem with self-diagnosis per se, and more of a problem with the lack of scientific literacy in our society, and the lack of emphasis on skepticism when evaluating therapeutic claims. For what it’s worth, going to see a mental health professional will not necessarily prevent you from encountering quackery and bullshit of all kinds. And in any case, the blame does not lie with the people who self-diagnose and then fall for pseudoscientific scams, but with the people who perpetrate the scams in the first place.

This point is especially important given that many people will not be able to access professional mental healthcare services for various reasons. Maybe they can’t afford it; maybe they work three jobs and don’t have time; maybe they can’t find a therapist who is willing to accept the fact that they are trans*, kinky, poly, etc. Maybe they are minors whose parents are unwilling to get them into treatment. Maybe they were abused by medical professionals and cannot go back into treatment without worsening their mental health.

There are all kinds of reasons people may be unable to go and get their diagnosis verified by a professional, and most of these are tied up in issues of privilege. If you have never had to worry that a doctor or psychologist will be prejudiced against you, then you have privilege.

3. It can help with symptom management whether you have the “real” disorder or not.

At one point when my depression was particularly bad I noticed that I had some symptoms that were very typical of borderline personality disorder. For instance, I had a huge fear that people would abandon me and I would bounce back and forth between glorifying and demonizing certain people. If someone made the slightest criticism of me or wasn’t available enough for me, I would decide that they hate me and don’t care if I live or die. I had wild mood swings. That sort of thing. It’s not that I thought I actually had BPD; rather, I noticed that I had some of its symptoms and wondered if perhaps certain techniques that help people with BPD might also help me.

Luckily, at this time I was still seeing a therapist. So in my next session, I decided to mention this observation that I had made, and the conversation went like this:

Me: I’ve noticed that I have some BPD-like symptoms.
Her: Oh, you don’t have BPD.
Me: Right, but I seem to have some of its symptoms–
Her: No, trust me, I’ve worked with people with BPD and you do NOT have BPD.

I suppose I could’ve persevered with this line of thinking, but instead I felt shut down and put in my place. I dropped the subject.

So determined was this therapist to make sure that I know which mental illness(es) I do and do not have that she missed out on what could’ve been a really useful discussion. What she could’ve done instead was ask, “What makes you say that?” and allow me to discuss the symptoms I’d noticed, whether or not they are indicative of BPD or anything else other than I am having severe problems relating to people and dealing with normal life circumstances.

The point is that sometimes it’s useful to talk about mental illness not in terms of diagnoses but in terms of symptoms. What triggers these symptoms? Which techniques help alleviate them?

So if a person looks up a mental disorder online and thinks, “Huh, this sounds a lot like me,” that realization can help them find ways to manage their symptoms whether or not those symptoms actually qualify as that mental disorder.

This is especially true because the diagnostic cut-offs for many mental illnesses are rather random. For instance, in order to have clinical depression, you must have been experiencing your symptoms for at least two weeks. What if it’s been a week and a half? In order to have anorexia nervosa, you must be at 85% or less of your expected body weight*. What if you haven’t reached that point yet? What if you don’t have the mood symptoms of depression, but you exhibit the cognitive distortions associated with it? Acknowledging that you may have one of these disorders, even if you don’t (yet) fit the full criteria, can help you find out how to manage the symptoms that you do have.

4. It helps them find solidarity with others who suffer from that mental illness.

I understand why some people with diagnosed mental illnesses feel contempt toward those who self-diagnose. But I don’t believe that sympathy and solidarity are finite resources. If someone is struggling enough that they’re looking up diagnostic criteria, they deserve support from others who have been down that path, even if their problems might not be “as bad” as the ones other people have and/or have not yet been validated by a professional.

Acknowledging that you may have depression (or any other mental illness) can help you find others who have experienced various shades of the same thing and feel like you’re not alone.

My take on self-diagnosis comes from a perspective of harm reduction. The idea is that strategies that help people feel better and prevent themselves from getting worse are something we should support, even if these strategies are not “correct” or “legitimate” and do not take place within the context of established, professional mental healthcare.

We should work to improve professional mental healthcare and increase access to it, especially for people in marginalized communities and populations. However, we should also acknowledge that sometimes people may need to help themselves outside of that framework. These people should not be getting the sort of condescension and eye-rolling they often get.

~~~
*The diagnostic criteria for eating disorders are expected to improve with the release of the new DSM-V, but I’m not sure yet whether or not the 85% body weight requirement will still be there. In any case, this is how it’s been so far.

This is a FANTASTIC post on self diagnosis.

I self diagnosed for three years before I received my professional one. I’m glad I discovered the autism community before then.

Photo

Tue, 21 May 2013 17:49:01 -0400

That's not what I want to hear right now

No Longer Anonymous: Why I Decided to Come Out as a Gay Priest

13 Paternoster Row: So I saw a post recently saying we shouldn’t have brotps and talk...

jesus. Every one and their dog is making me want to cry today. fucking period.

do pools just naturally attract furniature or what.

Photo

"How do Fortune 500 companies pay zero in taxes while college loans go up to 6 percent?…This game is..."

"Women are afraid of meeting a serial killer. Men are afraid of meeting someone fat."

acesparklegirl: witfulthinking: It’s Time to Run Juliet...

strugglingtobeheard: anothertimesforgottenspace: worth...

republicanidiots: damnsoprochoice: kor71: If you think...

jake-benge: rumblefishx: I live by the beach and this little...

the-queerdo-brigade: Rebloggable by request. Links found in the...

psilentasincjelli: If I ever tell you I’m going to sleep and then you see me posting or liking...

palladiumcore liked your post: My brother looks like white hippie Jesus you don’t undertand...

The abusive theology of 'deserved tragedy'

My brother looks like white hippie Jesus

I miss my partner

-everdeen: Too many small boxes and Maru [x] see cats love...

sophiaphilemon: Self-Diagnosis and Its Discontents goldenheartedrose: brute-reason: There’s a...

Photo

The abusive theology of 'deserved tragedy'